


Goodbye is an Ugly Four Letter Word

by Nerdyesque



Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Best Friends, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-19
Updated: 2015-10-19
Packaged: 2017-12-27 00:57:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/972422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nerdyesque/pseuds/Nerdyesque
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Veronica loves Logan, but Logan loves someone else. Will she ever get the chance to change his mind?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Logan's eyes snapped open the minute she left the bed, her footsteps quiet against the plush carpet of their bedroom as she made her way into the bathroom for a late night shower. He'd been on the cusp of sleep when he'd heard a faint vibration against the wood of the bedside table; if it'd been unimportant she would've stayed still beside him, but the speed in which she reacted led him to one conclusion. It was her secret lover.

 

It killed him, deep inside, how he wasn't enough for her anymore. If he ever was.

 

Logan shook his head against the negative thoughts and instantly tried to purge them. Her cheating wasn't _his_ fault, but something _she_ was responsible for. Dr. Meyer had been explicit when he first approached the subject in their weekly sessions, how he could only be responsible for _his own_ actions in their relationship. Of course, she'd also suggested he sit down and talk to his girlfriend about his suspicions, but his bravery curdled in his stomach whenever he even _thought_ about talking to her about it.

 

And maybe that's was the true problem between them, their lack of communication. It was an ongoing problem spanning the years since college when they'd buried themselves in each other to avoid thinking about the other issues in their lives. It wasn't healthy to be so co-dependent on one another, yet it wasn't something that could be changed. He was nothing without her, and he used to think she thought the same, though it was becoming increasingly apparent she didn't.

 

He rolled over to her side of the bed, took a deep breath, and turned on her phone. Normally Logan wouldn't dream of invading her privacy, but the burning in his heart couldn't be denied any longer. He _had to know_ if his suspicions were correct.

 

The privacy swipe pattern was laughably easy and he clicked through the screen until he reached the most recent text message. The words scrolling across his vision were numbing and enraging at the same time, her flirty responses becoming more and more intimate until her responder had invited her to a midnight rendezvous at his apartment. She'd hidden his true identity behind a cutesy nickname so Logan had no idea what man in her life was stealing her away, and he flopped onto his back as he fought waves of nausea.

 

The shower squeaked off and he lay still when she crept through their darkened bedroom to the closet, lifting a few clothes from the hangers. They'd lived in the same apartment for four years now and she knew the outlay of the room so well she didn't need a light to dress. Logan opened his mouth a few times to say something and just couldn't bring himself to confront her no matter how much he knew he needed to.

 

The front door closing brought him from his thoughts and he immediately rolled over to his side to grab his phone. He might not be able to say anything, but he also knew he needed damning proof of her infidelity before he would be able to actually process the information. She knew about his father's numerous affairs that ultimately broke up his parents' marriage, and he couldn't believe she would be so cruel to do the same to him

 

The number highlighted on his screen was one he hadn't actually used in over a year, and a part of him hesitated at calling it. Logan knew once he unleashed the dogs of war, there would be no going back.

 

The ringing of the phone was loud in the otherwise quiet room.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan contacts an old friend for help.

“Go for gold.”

 

“Is that how you normally answer the phone?”

 

“Logan?”

 

“Did I wake you?”

 

“Considering its ass o'clock in the morning, the answer should be obvious.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, I didn't think about the time. Uh, is there a better time to talk?”

 

“You have me on the phone now, so...what do you want, Logan?”

 

Rustling of fabric – sheets? - echoed across the line as Logan cleared his throat a few times.

 

“Hey, lets play a fun game. I'm gonna ask you a question, and this time you answer me. What do you want, Logan?”

 

“I need your help.”

 

“Am I your only hope?”

 

“ _Star Wars_ joke at ass o'clock in the morning? Really?”

 

“ _You_ called me, remember? You get what you get when you interrupt my beauty sleep.” A pause. “And don't make a joke about that or I _will_ hang up on you as I should've the instant you called.”

 

Long silence. Then. “I'm surprised you answered.”

 

“This is what I get for not checking the caller ID. The last time we saw one another, it wasn't exactly fun times at Ridgemont High for us.”

 

It was an understatement understood by both.

 

“I called to apologize for what I said to you then. I, uh, wasn't exactly in the right frame of mind then.”

 

“So I'm really not an interfering bitch with an inferiority complex who is jealous of people's happiness because I will never be able to keep a man with an attitude like mine?”

 

The words were scored into memory verbatim and often pondered whenever the latest date failed. Was he right?

 

“Uh, did I actually say that?”

 

“You know I have a near-eidetic memory.”

 

“So...sorry.”

 

“Wow, say that like you actually mean it and I'll believe you, Logan.” Two deep breaths to hold onto calm. “Wait...is this about what I think its about?”

 

“Are you seriously going to make me say it?”

 

“It's like you don't even _know_ me. Of course I am. Say it.”

 

“Veronica, you were right.”

 

Anger and pain was heavily threaded through the words, but for once it wasn't directed at her.

 

“I'm sorry, there was a lot of static on the line. Say it again.”

 

“You heard me the first time.”

 

“Man the static is worse, I can hardly hear you...what was that? Logan? Logan? Can you hear me?”

 

“You're so juvenile; Veronica Nicole Mars, you were right and I was wrong. Satisfied?”

 

“So you finally caught Lilly cheating, eh?” Okay, so she could've phrased that a little better, or, you know, been more sensitive about bringing it up.

 

The quality of the silence then reverberated with the past, conversations they'd had regarding Lilly's fidelity, and Logan's accusations of jealousy. Accusations that were true to a certain extent, though not for the reasons he'd listed. Trust Logan to be as expressive without talking as he was when he did.

 

“I'm calling because you may have been right about Lilly, but I can't be sure, so I need you to find out for me. Will you?”

 

Veronica closed her eyes against the press of tears and held her breath so she didn't betray her emotional response to the man on the phone. She'd hoped for a _year_ to hear him admit what was obvious to everyone else, yet the moment was bittersweet because it meant the death of something Logan held very dear. More so than their friendship apparently when she brought her suspicions of Lilly's extracurricular activities to his attention the _first_ time.

 

“You still there, Ronnie?”

 

“Yeah, yeah, just thinking about what my schedule is like right now. Kinda swamped at work, you know?”

 

“You know money is no object; you'll get more from me than any of your other _clients_.” The repugnance he felt was clear in his voice. It wasn't anything new, however, as Logan had made it clear several times he didn't like the people she dealt with while running her own private eye agency. Her usual annoyance at his high-handedness didn't materialize as it had been a very long year since his abrupt exit from her life, and she savored hearing the familiar words. She was pathetic, really, but then she always was when it came to him.

 

Veronica banged her head against the wall a few times before continuing on.

 

“Yeah, yeah, Mr. Big Shot, I know. However, I do honor my obligations, so...” She winced at the unintended jab, and cursed herself for speaking without thinking.

 

Veronica had practiced what she would say in the event he ever deigned to speak to her again and this was _not_ how it was supposed to go. In her fantasies she was cool, calm, and suave, dressed in something chic and form-fitting, hair perfectly coiffed, laugh a little disbelieving. They ran into one another on the street, Logan looking seedier than the last time they met, while she was healthier and prettier than she'd ever been in her life, watching with cool disdain as he begged for forgiveness. Instead, she was in a stained shirt, an old pair of boy panties, and ragged socks with a hole in the toe of the left foot while he sort of apologized and was trying to throw money at her to fix his problem. True he couldn't see her, but _she_ knew she wasn't looking her best, and that made all the difference.

 

“You done yet? This isn't embarrassing enough without having you rub my nose in it?”

 

She sighed through her nose and refocused her attention. Regardless of her personal feelings about Logan and Lilly, this was business, something she was sorely in need of if she wanted to pay her bills. While part of her was appalled at taking money from a friend, the practical side slapped down any ideas of altruism and demanded she sell the bigger package.

 

“Well, we have two package options, depending on what exactly you're hoping for me to do.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“The standard package includes garden-variety background check -”

 

“Which I don't need since I know who my girlfriend is and what's in her past.”

 

“- or the premium package which includes tailing, photos -”

 

“I want that one.”

 

“Uh, I didn't even finish what I was saying. Rude!”

 

“Veronica.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Mr. Moneybags. When do you want me to start?”

 

“Uh tonight?”

 

“Are you insane?”

 

Deep sigh. “Can I text you something I found on Lilly's phone?”

 

“Wait, is she there now?”

 

“No.” The answer was succinct and laden with rage. No need for detective work to figure _that_ one out, though it was incredibly stupid for Lilly to leave her phone lying around. Maybe she wanted to get caught?

 

“Okay, just forward me the texts, and don't forget to erase it from her phone otherwise you'll be having the conversation a lot sooner than expected.”

 

Veronica wanted to ask why he didn't just ask _Lilly_ about her infidelities, but Logan for all his brash personality was incredibly bad about personal confrontation. At least with Lilly, since he never refrained from it with Veronica. Growing up, they'd fought and made up so many times, her parents had whip-lash over when they were best friends and when they weren't. This year separation was the longest they'd been apart since they were six years old and put into different first grade classes.

 

“I really am sorry, Ronnie, I should've called you sooner under better circumstances. I've missed you in my life.”

 

His deep voice rang with sincerity and Veronica believed him as much as she believed he meant what he screamed at her when she told him her suspicions about Lilly. Logan had never pulled any punches with her, and while he normally was much kinder with his observations, he also didn't lie to her. He really did think those things about her, and it hurt because it was during that fight she realized she more than loved him as a best friend. She loved him as a man and he didn't see her the same way. It was one of the reasons why she hadn't fought back or even tried to facilitate reconciliation as she normally did after one of their blow out fights.

 

“Yeah, okay, Logan. Send me the texts and I'll get started in the morning. Night.”

 

Veronica clicked end to the conversation and laid back down in her bed, heart thrumming against her chest. It looked like her life was about to get very interesting.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm going with the best friends in love trope because its one of my favorites, especially with Logan and Veronica. Keep in mind this is an AU so there will be many differences, especially with their childhoods.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veronica is a hound and Logan isn't as surprised as he should be.

Logan swallowed heavily as Mac led him to Veronica's office - somewhat of a joke since it was so small he suspected it was a former closet - and quietly thanked the blue-haired girl. She was Veronica's partner and did all the heavy lifting when it came to the technical side of the business, which meant Veronica was often alone when she went out to surveil her targets. He had never approved of her choices in life, though right now he was extremely thankful she'd parlayed her incredible nosiness and insatiable curiosity into skills he could utilize. Mac paused at the threshold and scrutinized him.

"She's good at what she does, Echolls. You wouldn't have asked her to do this if you didn't believe that."

He snorted, faint amusement peeking through the heaviness of depression. "Doesn't mean I can't judge her anyway."

Mac rolled her eyes. "You two are incredible, you know that. And extremely hypocritical."

Logan wondered what Mac thought of their latest break - the longest in their friendship - but his courage failed him. He knew a lot of the current clime was his fault because he'd often gone over their last vicious fight and realized he'd taken a lot of his own frustrations about his relationship out on Veronica. Over the past week, he'd slowly realized he'd buried his suspicions for a long time and the night he "caught" Lilly stepping out on him wasn't the first time he'd wondered. It was easier to blame Veronica for speaking the truth than look at his relationship with clear eyes. Plus, he was ashamed to admit, he'd figured he didn't need to do anything because Veronica was the peacemaker of the two and he figured she would contact him first. Logan should've remembered how stubborn Veronica was, especially when she felt justified. He had other friends, of course, but none like her. It was a very lonely year despite the happy relationship he pretended he was in. Maybe  _because_  of it.

Mac sighed and seemed to read a few of his thoughts. "God you're pathetic - were you always or is this the result of being Marsless?" She didn't wait for an answer, but stepped outside towards her desk - a large ugly monstrosity of wood - and came back with a steaming cup of coffee. Logan stared at her and then the cup she made magically appeared. Mac grinned at his gobsmacked expression as she sipped her drink. He stood up and peered around the door to see a small coffeemaker sitting on a stand in the corner.

"That smells good," he pitifully commented, slowly blinking.

Mac held out her cup with a raised eyebrow. Mac - or Cynthia "if you call me that I  _will_ end your cyber existence" Mackenzie - was the polar opposite of Veronica, in that she was quiet, methodical, and not prone to flights of whimsy. That didn't preclude a wicked sense of humor, a certain cynicism, or the desire to goad those for her own amusement. Come to think of it, those were the  _precise_  reasons why she and Veronica got along so well. He knew this was a test and took the cup gratefully, making sure to turn the rim so he didn't drink from the same spot. She was a friend of a sort, but he would only do  _that_  with Veronica. After all, they'd shared so much over the years, what were a few germs between best friends? Mac smiled beatifically at him and shortly he held his own cup of steaming goodness and he drank deeply. He didn't know what wizardy she possessed, but he'd rarely ever had any coffee as good as Mac's; which was surprising given she used instant and disdained coffee beans like they were grown in secret Microsoft labs somewhere.

They exchanged a few more pleasantries before she took herself away to presumably make some third world dictator whimper with fear or whatever she did - he wasn't too keen on what she did exactly nor did he wish to - and he sat there drumming his fingers on his thighs so he wouldn't give away his nervousness. The opening of the front door, again another generous word for the hole in the wall space they rented, shattered his rambling inner monologue and he tensed with anticipation.

"Sorry I'm late, Mac. Got caught up with the Travers' case." He could practically hear her rolling her eyes, another thing she had in common with Mac. "You'd think the cliche nature of Mr. Travers' affair with his secretary wouldn't surprise his wife so much; she didn't believe me even when I laid out the evidence!"

"She paid you though, right?"

Logan could hear the delight in her voice. "She sure did. Paid me through the nose to keep my mouth shut while she  _decided_  how to handle the news."

"She's going to take him for everything he has."

"She's going to take him for everything he owns," Veronica agreed.

"You have a client waiting."

"What? Why didn't you tell me?"

"You didn't check your texts?"

"Uh, no," was the sheepish response. He heard the quick steps as Veronica crossed the room to her "office" and the exquisitely polite, "Good morning, sir. Thank you for choosing - oh hell, it's you."

Logan whirled around and stared at Veronica for the first time in year. She was dressed the same - short skirt, layered tee and tank top with her usual combat boots - but her hair was different. "It's so short!"

Veronica wrinkled her nose at him while her blue eyes took in his appearance. Logan was suddenly self-conscious about his tee shirt and plaid shorts, but he tried to hide it beneath a wide smile. The arched blond brow told him she saw through his facade and he slumped back against the lawn chair he sat in.

"I said I would call you with the results."

"It's been a week, Ronnie and you haven't sent me so much as a text."

She sighed and seated herself behind the twin of Mac's monstrosity. The faux leather chair creaked alarmingly as she sat back and stared at him over her steepled fingers. It was very Mr. Burns of her really, and Logan was suddenly overwhelmed with happiness at seeing her familiar pose.

"Logan."

"Ronnie."

They fell into silence and Logan took the opportunity to see the changes of the past year apart. She looked tired and a little careworn - not unexpected since she'd probably spent the last few nights tailing Travers - but overall healthy and pink-cheeked. He was used to a sloppy bun, but the choppy chin-length hair suited her pixish face and he found he actually liked it, which was unexpected since he was usually attracted to girls with long hair. He loved wrapping it around his wrist -

 _Whoa. Wait. What?_  He wasn't  _attracted_  to Veronica. They weren't - he wasn't - no. They never did the "will-they-won't-they" dance once they hit puberty because it was hard to  _like_  like someone you've seen through every phase of life. It was one of the few things he and Lilly fought about when they first started dating: his intimate relationship with Veronica. She'd always accused his best friend of being in love with him and trying to steal him away, as if him spending time with  _anyone_  else who wasn't her meant she would lose him. He'd always found it comforting how jealous Lilly could get, though in hindsight (and a lot of therapy) showed how much of a problem it really was.

"Okay, fine, you win! I've done some preliminary work so far and I've surveiled her a few hours a day so I could be sure of her routine."

"I could've told you where she goes -" he trailed off at Veronica's sardonic expression. Okay, maybe he  _didn't_ actually know what Lilly did every day since he had no knowledge of her affair until he read it on her phone.

"She sure likes to shop," Veronica said with little inflection in her voice.

"Just because she likes to wear more than five outfits year doesn't make her a shopaholic," Logan snapped, goaded by her placid expression. One of the many things Veronica had thrown in his face was how she thought Lilly was a gold-digger. When they were seniors in college, Lilly's father went to prison on embezzlement and fraud charges and all the family's money went to paying back investors, his legal team, and settling civil suits. Lilly went from 09er luxury to 02er reality, and Logan enjoyed being able to take care of her in the manner she grew up in.

"Logan, she spent twelve  _hundred_  dollars on a purse! That's ludicrous! Who spends that kind of money on  _one_  item?"

"Rich people?"

"Your wealth, not  _hers_."

Logan sighed at the familiar refrain and bit his lip to quell his instinctive response. Veronica was from a solidly middle class family with two parents who worked hard for their livelihood, so she didn't understand the idea of an idle life resplendent with all the perks of being obscenely rich. His mother, the daughter and granddaughter of two Texas oil barons, married an up and coming Hollywood star; because they were legally wed in California and married more than ten years, when they divorced she received half of Aaron's assets, which went to the tune of two-hundred fifty million dollars. Of course his father wasn't worth what he used to command - even men eventually felt the sting of age in Hollywood - but Lynn had gotten out when the getting was good and walked away laughing. Logan didn't have to work for the rest of his life if he so wished because he was his mother's sole heir, and she was  _her_  family's sole heir, so twelve hundred for a purse was as little to him as change found in a cup holder was for others.

"It's about  _her,_  not  _you_ , dumbass."

Veronica flicked a piece of hair from her face and settled into her seat, an unfamiliar expression setting her lips into a grim line. Logan wasn't used to not being able to read her like a book and he didn't like it.

"She went to the Planned Parenthood on Mercer Street," she began gently. "It seemed odd for her since she's been seeing Dr. Goodman since high school."

If it were anyone but Veronica Logan would consider her a stalker to know Lilly's habits, but he knew she knew because she  _always_  investigated those in his life. It started out as an amusing hobby and soon mutated into an obsession - at least he always thought so, or did until this whole mess with Lilly began. He felt a little uncomfortable with the realization he'd set a hound on his girlfriend, even if it was out of self-preservation.

"Did you find out why?" It would be a violation of the Hippa Oath if she did except this was Veronica and medical personnel had no defenses against her wiles, man  _or_  woman.

"That would be illegal, Logan, and we run a respectable business we do."

"Can it, Ronnie. What did you find out?"

"Nothing yet."

"Why not?"

Veronica hesitated and twitched a little, a tell she never could hide, and Logan raised a brow in mockery of her earlier expression.

"I ran out of time and had another case -"

"Bullshit. What. Did. You. Find. Out?"

"She's pregnant, Logan. The only question is - who's the father?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why, but a lot of my stories with these two feature babies - which is funny since I have no interest in becoming a mother myself. I guess I like to torture Logan, which is probably mean of me since the dude's canonical life was pretty crappy already.

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by Chester See's videos "So Goodbye (This Time Lies Won't Explain)" and "God Damn You're Beautiful."


End file.
